the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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