I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What a dumb baby whore.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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