This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
