Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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