She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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