Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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