If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
