Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
