Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
