I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
the liver wants what the liver wants
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
