what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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