Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
and she was petting her beer can
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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