RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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