see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
