A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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