is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
