You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
