the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
