we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
