it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
