Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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