And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
this will be a night to untag.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
