he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you would pick up someone in the library
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
