I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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