grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
