yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
