You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
