just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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