I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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