woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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