Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
