There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
