I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
