I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
