don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
