I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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