if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
