yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
