oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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