2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
