whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
