I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i've created a new STD.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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