I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
false alarm, still single
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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