I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize