i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
