Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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