Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize