Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
