Someone shit on the floor
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
