i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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