ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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