i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
