this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
