i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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