Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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