stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
