My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
