chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
