she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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