you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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