omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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