I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
