I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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