Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
