do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
