i love accidental penises.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
