jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
