i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
