need another drink. this is the easiest way
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize