I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
