first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
