what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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