All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
