heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize