Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
