Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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