just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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