i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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