Farmville is her only friend.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
